Dear Mr Cameron...

Dear Mr. Cameron.

I have five questions to which I would like the answers.

One: Why do you keep saying Andy Coulson did a good job for you when he was based in Downing Street. He was your Director of Communications. He failed to say ‘if you hire me, it sends a clear message that you prefer to consort with criminals and the people who hire criminals.’ If he was doing a good job, he might have indicated that his name might just come up again in relation to criminal activities that were going on at the News of the World while he was Deputy Editor and Editor. That was quite a lapse he had there.

Two: Why do you keep saying that you weren’t warned that Andy Coulson’s name might come up in investigations into the criminal activity that took place while he was working for News International? You were warned. You were warned both directly, by Tom Watson, MP, in a letter in October 2010, and you were warned indirectly by the people working at the Guardian newspaper via your Chief of Staff, Ed Llewellyn. The Metropolian Police Service also asked if they could brief you and were denied access.

Three: Can you explain to me who made the decision that you should be shielded from all information regarding Andy Coulson and Neil Wallis in relation to phone hacking? Was it your decision, or did Mr Llewellyn choose not to keep you informed, either on his own or in consultation to other members of your staff?

Four: You we’re asked a question in the House of Commons about the specific warnings you were given related; why did you not respond to that question, but instead state that Andy Coulson worked well for you? The people in Britain are really not so stupid that they won’t notice you didn’t answer the question, and to presume that they are is disrespectful to the highest degree. Also, see question one.

Five: In reference to whether you discussed the BskyB bid with Rebekah Brooks, you answered that you hadn’t had any ‘inappropriate’ conversations with her. Can you give me a clear definition of what you mean by ‘inappropriate’ here? Because I’m really not sure your definition matches mine.

You have suggested that the people of Britain should decide whether you have acted well on this matter, or not. I’m more than willing to judge you right now, but I’d prefer to give you the opportunity to answer these questions first.

Regards

Pip Mulgrue.

The above letter is going to take some more revision; I’m going to look at it again tomorrow when I’m not so tired. It turns out that I do care more about letters to the Prime Minister than I do about the random stuff I publish on the web.  I have been working quite hard to get it that far. Here is my first draft:

Dear Mr. Cameron.

Stop fucking lying, you lying, lying piece of shit! Stop treating the British public as if they’re stupid, you ignorant, arrogant fuckwit! How dare you continue to lie to the people who pay your salary!

Stop pretending that you don’t know anything and that it was all other people and that you simply didn’t know about Andy fucking Coulson! If you didn’t, you should have done!

Stop with the ‘innocent until proven guilty’ and the ‘second chance’ shit. If a kid’s got a record for shoplifting, would you let him come and work in Downing Street? I bet you wouldn’t you two-faced git. I believe in innocent until proven guilty but I don’t investigate stuff by ramming my fingers in my ears and singing ‘la-la-la! All happy here!’

Stop refusing to answer basic questions you spineless shitbag! Stop with the ‘I’m so superior to everyone else that I don’t even need to attend fucking parliament’. You’re not! You have to answer to the British Public!

And unfortunately at the moment you’re doing a piss poor job. You know what? If you were to offer your resignation; I’d accept it.

Oh, and don’t think that we won’t notice that you’ve started the moves to privatise the NHS because it was cleverly announced on Tuesday when people’s attention might have been elsewhere.

It wasn’t. It was a stupid and cowardly act.

Yours,

Pip Mulgrue.

Other people who have caused me to fall into a sweary, ranty rage in the past two days include…

John Yates, Kier Starmer, The stupid fuckwit with the pie (I’d look up his name, but I really don’t care what it is), Rupert Murdoch, James Murdoch, Nick Clegg (primarily, for just sitting there doing absolutely nothing), my husband for leaving the dishes to soak, both of my children for actually quite minor transgressions, and one of the guys at work for reasons that would bore you to tears but who was really fucking selfish.

Oddly, I failed to be moved to anger by Rebekah Brooks. Partly because I’d short circuited at that point and was failing to respond to anything on an emotional level. But partly because she struck me as someone who had been promoted far too quickly, and far beyond her ability, and she was just floundering in the recognition of how rubbish she basically was. She appears to have made her way through life fuelled entirely by spite, arrogance and greed. Oh wait, my anger for her was just on delay.

Anyhow, I’m done to death. And I’m beginning to think this wasn’t the right week to give up cake and sugar and switch to salads for lunch. I'm now going to go and eat my body-weight in chocolate.

Pip xxx